Ever met someone who knows how to sell naturally? You know, it just feels natural and effortless… not pushy? What makes it enjoyable is that there are no apparent scripts or awkward energy, just genuine confidence and connection. And none of those weird “let me know if you’re still interested” messages that make everyone uncomfortable. Those people do exist. And believe it or not, some of the best ones aren’t sales pros at all, they’re 4 and 5 star waiters. Decades ago, a young Brazilian steakhouse waiter I met 25 years ago taught me more about sales confidence for women and permission-based selling than most online courses ever could. This story is part hilarious, part humbling, and completely life-changing when it comes to learning how to sell without being pushy or fake. So, grab your favorite drink and let’s talk about what that night taught me about authentic selling.

Lesson 1: Readiness Is Everything (Stop Chasing Red-Coaster Prospects)

Once you are seated (after a glutenous visit to the cold appetizer and salad bar), every guest gets a coaster. These coasters are a simple system for signaling your appetite readiness. One side is green and the other, red. Green signals to the waiter “Yes, Serve me up some more!” Red means “Give me a dang minute.” Meanwhile, the Servers glide through the restaurant carrying huge skewers of meats and seafood. It’s like a meat parade. They don’t pitch or pressure or even tell you about what’s on the skewer in any great detail. It’s simply smiles, connection, and slicing small portions on the plates of the people who are ready and then they move on from the ones who aren’t. It struck me, even back then… WOW, that’s permission-based selling in real time.

Here’s what really struck me as a female sales speaker, most entrepreneurs exhaust themselves trying to convert their red-coaster people. They chase, convince, sometimes even pressure. the unready instead of noticing who is already curious, asking questions, and engaging with their content. Those are your green-coaster prospects. When you start focusing on readiness, selling becomes simple and fun. In other words, real sales confidence for women comes from calm observation, not desperate persuasion. For more mindset shifts like this, watch the entire story: The Waiter Who Outsold Every Sales Coach: 5 Sales Lessons That Changed My Life

Lesson 2: Unqualified Doesn’t Mean Unworthy (They’re Just Full)

Here’s the truth: not everyone is hungry. Some of your prospects just finished a big plate of “I’m not ready yet.” And that’s perfectly fine. What you want to remember is that unqualified prospects are not rejecting you; they’re simply full. When you ignore readiness and try to feed steak to someone who is stuffed, that’s when sales feel pushy.

Instead, learn to nurture those red-coaster leads. Keep them close. Therefore, keep them warm. Continue serving value until they’re ready to flip their coaster to green. This is how authentic selling and long-term business growth really happen. The people you respect today will come back when they’re ready or better yet refer others to you until they are. The ones you pressure will disappear. So, stop chasing and start nurturing.

Lesson 3: The Micro-Yes Dessert Strategy

Now for my favorite part: dessert. At the end of the meal we told our waiter, “We’re full. No dessert.” He smiled and said, “I know. Most people are. Would you like to just take a look, bring something home or perhaps even extend the evening and split a few for the table?”

Well, that single question changed everything. Although he may have wanted to, he didn’t push. Instead, he invited us to take a micro-step. We did, indeed, look. I mean, what was the harm? But then, when we did, we said yes and devoured desserts (plural). This is what I call the micro-yes strategy. It works because those small, safe decisions build confidence and momentum. They lead your prospects to the next natural yes without feeling pressured.

You might want to ask yourself:

• What is my version of “just take a look”?
• How can I make the next yes easier, safer, and more natural?

Maybe it’s a sample, free gift or trial of some sort. Give your audience permission to “just look” and take smaller steps. Ultimately, tiny yeses lead to big results.

Lesson 4: The Digestive-Drink Upsell (A Masterclass in Value)

You’d think we’d be done, right? So did we! Well, after dessert our waiter came to the table with a tray with a beautiful ice sculpture with herbs and edible flowers and offered the after-dinner drink in the center. “It helps with digestion,” he said. We laughed because we were stuffed to the gills.  But somehow, having never ordering after dinner drinks in my life, there we were tossing them down. Why? Because it wasn’t a pitch. It was a solution to the next problem. That’s what a value-driven upsell looks like. He wasn’t selling more, he was selling much needed relief. Not sure if it was true or not, but we bought into it hook, line, and sinker.

Think about your business:

• What problem will your client potentially have after they buy?
• What simple offer could you create that helps them move through it faster?

If you are paying attention, this step is the secret to selling with integrity. Every additional offer should solve the next challenge, not just the first one. When you sell like that, people feel served instead of sold to. For an interesting take on the science behind buying, check out The Psychology of Selling.

Lesson 5: Service Cadence Beats Scripts

What he practiced was timing perfection. He checked in, stepped back, and circled around without hovering or conversely disappearing. He established a confident, calm presence. This rhythm is what I call service cadence. It’s the follow-up energy that builds trust without pressure. If you want to follow up with leads without feeling annoying, this is it.

Check in after you deliver value. Wait a moment before asking again. When you re-engage, lead with curiosity or a story, not a sales pitch. That’s how sales conversations start to feel like service calls, not closing calls. Want a deeper dive into language that works? Dive into the article:  Three Words that are Sabotaging Your Business

The Green-Coaster Sales Framework (Your New Selling Superpower)

How can we apply this and gain traction today? Here’s your takeaway cheat sheet:

• Read readiness and focus on green-coaster buyers.
• Respect timing. Unqualified doesn’t mean uninterested.
• Stack micro-yeses. Make small decisions safe and simple.
• Design value-driven upsells that solve the next problem.
• Master your cadence. Service beats scripts every time.

That’s the foundation of confident, sustainable, authentic sales that feel good for you and your clients.

Grab Your Free Prospecting PDF Guide (something I wish I had much sooner)

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Final Thought

The waiter at that Brazilian steakhouse didn’t just serve food. He served connection, watched and observed with intention. It was a lesson in confidence. Decades later, I still remember him (and have a photo of him, with permission) because excellence in selling feels unforgettable.

You don’t need to chase harder, serve better.  Your clients are waiting.

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